Saturday, June 17, 2017

To My Inner Diabetes Critic....

Hey there, little voice in my head.

Yes, the one who whispers comments like "Another wild overbolus for a slightly carby item? Why not try doing some actual calculations once in a while?" or "Are you really going to go for a walk with just some glucose tabs and not your glucagon?" or "Why don't you make more diabetic friends?" or "Hmmmmm pizza? I wonder what that will do to your A1C."

You're there, all the time, constantly, although the joys of life do drown you out quite often. But you're especially there when I fail. You're there when I spend 12 hours riding the high carb-high BG-overbolus-low BG-overcorrect-high BG roller coaster. You're there when I turn all temp basals off and still wake up several times in the night to pound glucose tabs and Larabars during a backpacking trip. You're there when I struggle to fit all of my items into a weekender bag. You're there when I just....can't....get.....under....200 no matter how hard I try. You're there when I don't finish my dinner that I already bolused for, when I don't exercise at the time I had planned, you're there for so many things.

But then I read this quote, from Teddy Roosevelt (via BrenĂ© Brown, of course) 

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;...who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." 

I know a thing or two about dust, sweat, and blood. And while there are always things I can be doing better, I'm down here doing the deeds. I'm backpacking, I'm teaching, I'm swimming, I'm writing, I'm eating, I'm living. I'm doing the damn thing. And while every day is not perfect. Every other day is not perfect. In fact, every day is not perfect. And while all of that is true, every day is a triumph in a way that it wasn't before I had this added responsibility. Like, maybe I ticked nothing off my to-do list today but hey--I kept myself alive for one more day, and that's gotta be worth something, eh Teddy?

No comments:

Post a Comment