Saturday, June 3, 2017

The Weight of Things

Sometimes diabetes can feel very, very heavy.

Sometimes it feels light.

Today I went for a run, a run that I was unsure of, due to IOB and general lowness the past couple of days. But I pulled a temp basal decrease, I drank some coconut water (chocolate only duh!) and I hoped for the best because sometimes that really does happen.

Not this time, though. Halfway through I felt myself dropping, dropping. 54 with an arrow straight down before I could even get out my Dexcom. And I knew I was in for a bad one, after running so hard, and I still had to walk home. I took out my tube of glucose tabs and I held it in my hand and I ate 7 of them and powerwalked as the fog gusted around me.

And I thought to myself that 48g of dextrose was all I had between me and disaster. Rattling gently in a tube as I walked briskly home, looking like any other runner on the street during a cooldown. Except my brain was fog, my cheeks were numb, my eyes were glassy, and it was only muscle memory that guided me back along what felt like the longest mile of my life.

Your life is in your hands, yeah true, but my life today was literally in my hands.

And it felt so, so light. 

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