Diabetes is, of course, not optional. I should know, I tried to ignore it for a few months back in 2014 and it made its presence known for sure. And while taking care of myself is (sort of optional) it's really not. But something that is optional is how I do it and what tools I use.
For pretty much the entire time I've been diagnosed, I've used an Omnipod pump and a Dexcom CGM. While the Dex does have its own receiver, I threw that over in favor of the handy feature that lets my BG shoot straight to my phone. I love that feature, and never looked back.
Except a few months ago, when I just started feeling so......trapped....by my phone. I found it hard to avoid the Instagram scroll spiral, wasting hours of my day (!!!) mindlessly transfixed, feeling no more settled or relaxed when it was done. Under the guise of "checking my Dex," I would pick up my phone constantly, and of course I couldn't help but observe the texts/calls/Whatsapps that were/weren't there.
And even when I was legitimately checking my BG, even that was wracked with the same kind of heightened anxiety. I couldn't enjoy any workout class, even if I was cruising at a 145 --->, just wondering and paranoid I was going to drop or drift out of range. I was constantly worried about where I was trending, where I was going.
So I quit, cold turkey. I made a promise to myself that I would check and bolus more religiously, and I followed through with at least half of that. I just needed to feel some agency again.
And while for a long time I couldn't really imagine going without my Dexcom, and the thought of going to bed with IOB and no sensor could send me into an anxiety spiral, that's not really where I'm at right now. It doesn't bother me to prick my finger in public anymore, and it's possible that it's even helping to push me from keeping it to myself so much.
What is the point of this? I don't know really. But it's strange how, even a few months in, it still feels good to have a break from the CGM. I have my endo appointment early next month, so I'll see if it's really wreaking havoc on my A1C, and that will probably inform my decision of where to go next. All I know is that I'm sleeping better, yoga-ing better, and isn't it really all about living better?
For pretty much the entire time I've been diagnosed, I've used an Omnipod pump and a Dexcom CGM. While the Dex does have its own receiver, I threw that over in favor of the handy feature that lets my BG shoot straight to my phone. I love that feature, and never looked back.
Except a few months ago, when I just started feeling so......trapped....by my phone. I found it hard to avoid the Instagram scroll spiral, wasting hours of my day (!!!) mindlessly transfixed, feeling no more settled or relaxed when it was done. Under the guise of "checking my Dex," I would pick up my phone constantly, and of course I couldn't help but observe the texts/calls/Whatsapps that were/weren't there.
And even when I was legitimately checking my BG, even that was wracked with the same kind of heightened anxiety. I couldn't enjoy any workout class, even if I was cruising at a 145 --->, just wondering and paranoid I was going to drop or drift out of range. I was constantly worried about where I was trending, where I was going.
So I quit, cold turkey. I made a promise to myself that I would check and bolus more religiously, and I followed through with at least half of that. I just needed to feel some agency again.
And while for a long time I couldn't really imagine going without my Dexcom, and the thought of going to bed with IOB and no sensor could send me into an anxiety spiral, that's not really where I'm at right now. It doesn't bother me to prick my finger in public anymore, and it's possible that it's even helping to push me from keeping it to myself so much.
What is the point of this? I don't know really. But it's strange how, even a few months in, it still feels good to have a break from the CGM. I have my endo appointment early next month, so I'll see if it's really wreaking havoc on my A1C, and that will probably inform my decision of where to go next. All I know is that I'm sleeping better, yoga-ing better, and isn't it really all about living better?
