Wise Wisdom

"I do not associate with people who blame the world for their problems. Because you're your problem. And you're also your solution."

Okay so yeah maybe it came from Bridesmaids but it still feels pretty relevant...

Diabetic Playlist

I don't own any rights to anything. But if you're a diabetic (or if you're not) you should still know about these songs.

1. A Tribe Called Quest "Oh My God". Because you too can be a funky diabetic. 

2. The Killers "Human". Sometimes after a hard day, you're asking yourself, are we human? Or are we dancers walking pancreases?

3. Aaron Carter "I Want Candy". This is on here partially because we all need to acknowledge and process our feelings re: frosted hairstyles. But also because, well, the title really speaks for itself.

4. Haim "Don't Save Me". First of all, just a wonderful, wonderful band. Second of all, in Taylor Swift's inner posse (no shame in the loving T-Swizzle game on this here blog). Third, they're a sister band and the youngest one actually has T1D. So that's rad.

5. Maroon 5 "Sugar". Another one where the title speaks for itself, but you can feel less ashamed about your sexual attraction to them because Adam Levine is maybe just sex personified. Especially in this screen capture here (kidding...or not?)

So there you have it. 5 songs. It's short. It's not really comprehensive, and I'm not too sure in what context these exact songs actually go together....maybe while you're having a low blood sugar and are too scatterbrained to notice that they actually don't? Or something? But this blog post has certainly got me curious what searching Type 1 Diabetes on Spotify will produce. 

Confessions of a Guilty Diabetic Part 2

Okay I will add another, bonus confession to this one: this is not actually a new post. I wrote it at the same time as the last one, as a part of the same entry, but I thought things were getting a bit long so I split it. SO SUE ME. Okay, actually, given the way the world works these days, I feel like I should add: PLEASE DON'T SUE ME. It would be a waste of your time, anyway. My pump is the most valuable thing I own. Whoops! Another bonus confession....lucky you! I should probably just quit this intro paragraph now before I tell you my social security number. So here goes, confession number....whatever:


I don't carb count. Okay, new diabetics, don't throw away your hospital-issue "Calorie King" bible quite yet. I do carb count, in the sense that, over the past year I have strived (strove? striven?) to understand/memorize the carbs involved in most of my go-to foods and indulgences. And I do use that knowledge to help me make informed bolus decisions. But here's the thing, peeps. There is so much more to bolusing than just carbs. There's things you can see and calculate with, like IOB, and fat grams, sugar, and fiber. But there's also, EOB (my term for Exercise on Board, aka a workout you just did [metabolism running faster] or have planned), stress, fatigue, unexpected bus system crashes leaving you to walk home, etc. There is no perfect bolus. So in a way, I have given up. I'll admit it! I mostly look at my meals as sort of Large, Medium, and Small in terms of bolusing. Large being, high-fat, high carb bombs, for example a grilled cheese with tomato soup and/or french fries. Anything where you have dessert. Medium is more like, pretty high carb, moderate fat, some protein to calm things down. You've indulged but nothing crazy. Maybe a bit of pasta salad, or fruit salad, or a sandwich. Small (which is where I generally try to stay) is exactly what you'd guess. Lots of veggies, carbs mostly from legumes and/or fruit, protein-heavy and moderate fat. An example would be veggie chili and a salad or something of that nature.

But here's the thing that really helps me with any meal size, and that is pre-bolusing. Many times, I don't know exactly what I'm going to eat for lunch or dinner. But regardless of whatever ends up happening, about an hour beforehand, I use the advice I gleaned from this wonderful blog post by these wonderful people about carbohydrate absorption rates in order to do what I consider to be a pre-bolus. Most people do this about 15 minutes beforehand; however, I found that I was still experiencing considerable post-prandial spikes with that timeline. Upon googling around, I found the #DIYPS blog and it really answered a lot of my questions about that. So I set about testing pre-bolus times/amounts and recording the data and eventually settled on a routine that works for me. Yes it required a lot of eating the same meals at the same time and googledocs. But yes it was worth it. You should definitely try it if you plan on being a diabetic for a while.

So back to my not-carb-counting. Based on my earlier experiments, I give myself my standard "Hey I'm going to eat soon" pre-bolus (Note: I do not use this exact method when I'm experiencing out-of-range blood sugars) an hour or so before I eat. Then, when it's time to eat, I give myself a general bolus based on my meal size and contents. I generally call Large meals 60 grams, Medium meals 45 grams, and Small meals 30 grams. Then I eat. And that's really it.

I keep an eye on things via my Dexcom, and sometimes I need to give myself more insulin, or eat some fruit/juice/glucose tabs to keep things copacetic. But you know what? Even when I was religiously entering everything I ate into MyFitnessPal and sweating out all the details of exactly how many peanuts I was consuming, I still had to do that. I rarely got it exactly right, and now that I've relaxed, guess what? I still rarely get it exactly right.

Relaxing on my carb counting was right for me, because it allowed me to relax myself in general. Although I feel guilty admitting it, I felt way more guilty every time I blamed myself and my addition skills for falling down on the job. But you know what? You know who really fell down on the job? My pancreas. And my immune system. They're the ones who have the capacity to get this perfect. Not me.

Coming up soon: A follow up on this & how Afrezza can help/interact with this system

Confessions of a Guilty Diabetic Part 1

I feel that this is a safe space, in that, after a massive spike in interest in this blog due to a Facebook announcement, my daily blog views is safely back down in the 0-4 range. Google Analytics has breathed a sigh of relief, and so will I once I get all this off my chest. Maybe one day I will reveal this blog to fellow PWDs and feel shame once again, but more than likely I will simply click "revert to draft" on this one and guard it safely forevermore. So, as follows, here is one of my guilty confessions. And no, Usher fans, there's no unexpected pregnancy involved.

I don't turn down my basal insulin when I work out. Seriously. Unless it's late in the afternoon and I haven't eaten since forever and I have a plan for something super cardio-intensive, I just don't. It's way more trouble than it's worth to deal with the aftermath of a basal insulin decrease, for one. But also I pretty much don't really need to. Despite my literal sweat, blood (yeah I've been known to pop a finger prick spot or two by accident) and tears (ya okay not really those) during my power yoga/boot camp/dog-walking, apparently my body is just like "Meh. You could go harder." In my head, I rationalize it with terms like "anaerobic exercise" and "breaking down stored fat" but I can't lie, my pride gets injured sometimes.

Phew!! That feels better I guess, and if you're out there somewhere in the same boat as me, then, well woo hoo! Let's just sit here comfortably in our insulin-filled boat, with our pumps ticking away peacefully and not judge each other.

Feel the Burn

So, I definitely unironically and unabashedly love the Fast & Furious franchise. There's just something so right about its cheesy wonderfulness, and the latest installment is no exception. Not to mention the touching tribute at the end.

However, that's not the scene that really spoke to me. No, the scene I identified with more is present in this gif: https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/B1jFw36CUAAk9Lz.mp4. For those of you who are literally SO LAZY that you cannot click and watch a 2 second video, or maybe you have poor internet connection and it won't load, I will summarize for you. Don't worry, it's not really a spoiler here.

Basically, in this scene, The Rock (yes, both words capitalized) has a cast on his arm. I won't go into why, because, you know, spoilers. But there are bad guys to be fought. And The Rock has gotta fight them!! Because, The Rock. So what does he do? He's sick of being laid up. He's sick of the BS. He's sick of those doctors putting BS-y plaster all over him when he's THE ROCK and he's got BAD GUYS TO FIGHT. So he just, you know, mind over matter, flexes his incredible, The Rock-y arm, and flexes right out of the cast. I sh*t you not. Flexes that cast right off and trots off to fight and obviously defeat the baddies.

And I have to tell you, that scene speaks to me. Because I often feel as angry as The Rock at diabetes BS. Like when I'm trying to go a leeeetttle bit uphill on a hike and get totally foiled by a massive, double-arrows down zinger of a low blood sugar that I have to treat, meaning a mandatory pause and sugar break. When I have to eat a snack, right after a snack, because of an over-bolus. When I ignore students, miss my bus, or skip a meal. Basically any time diabetes makes me do something I don't organically actually want to do, I wish that I could just power on through. Flex my....pancreas? liver?..... and get on with my life.

It takes a huge amount of humility to say to myself, and whoever I'm with, "Wait." "I'm not okay." Because I don't want to scare them. Because they don't know the difference between a little not okay and a lot not okay. Because I don't want to admit that I'm struggling and not in control. Because I hate thinking that I've made the mistake. Why didn't I do a temp basal decrease? Why didn't I under-bolus? Why did I bolus at all? Why didn't I plan better? Why wasn't I better?

But really the question is, why isn't my pancreas better? Why, after all the love and attention and mindfulness and medicine and money and lost brain cells and sugar and exercise and vegetables and doctors and frustration and triumph and lessons learned and lessons forgotten and tape and bruises and rashes and blood given and taken, why is that still not enough? Why is my reward for each day to wake up (sometimes in the middle of the night) and do it all again? Why can't I just put mind over matter, for once? 

The battle for territory

My OmniPod is amazing. Hands down, game changer. In terms of having a tiny plastic cannula and liquid-filled computer pod taped to your body 24/7, it is probably top-of-the-line, comfort-wise. It's discreet (except when it beeps which is you know...every two seconds...), wearable, and keeps me alive. All good things.

Same with my Dexcom. Discreet, wearable, mostly comfortable.

The only problem is that both are subcutaneous. Meaning that, they require fatty spots on your body for best absorption and certainly for the most comfort. Meaning that, every time you work out, it's a weird sort of tug-of-war in your mind. On the one hand, who doesn't want a six pack? On the other hand, every spot of muscle you gain is a spot that, while you don't quite lose, certainly becomes more difficult and painful to use for diabetes purposes.

Is my body what I want it to be? Or is it a vessel for my exterior pancreas? Because while I want the former, I certainly need the latter.

A Precious Human Life

Every day, think as you wake up:

"Today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive, I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.

I am going to use
all my energies to develop myself,
to expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment for
the benefit of all beings.

I am going to have
kind thoughts towards others.
I am not going to get angry,
or think badly about others.

I am going to benefit others
as much as I can."

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama